The Great Rubber Band Diet

A famous diet doctor, who was known throughout the land,

Said, “You’ll look great–and lose much weight–if you eat rubber bands.

“You see, they have 10 vitamins, and special minerals,

“And eating them will make you thinner guys and thinner gals.”

 

And then he started selling books, about the special diet,

And paid some big celebrities to say, “You’ve got to try it!”

And soon the people everywhere who wanted to lose blubber,

Just couldn’t get enough of those so tasty bands of rubber.

 

The doctor made a zillion dollars from his diet books,

And rubber band soufflé was on the menu of most cooks.

In fact there were big shortages in quite a lot of places,

With no bands left for peoples’ braids or orthodontic braces.

 

In Hollywood, where almost everyone was on the diet,

Movie stars who couldn’t get them almost staged a riot.

Eventually, ten rubber bands sold for a thousand bucks,

And if you didn’t have that dough? Well, you were out of luck.

 

 

Or so they thought, until the diet folks began to see,

Exactly what was causing the whole weight loss mystery.

It seems that when you swallow bands, they’re not so good at gliding,

And often stick together, jumbled up in your insiding.

And what the people thought was just some minor indigestion,

Often was a ball of rubber stuck in their intestine.

 

And folks who tried to swallow food, would cry and scream and shout,

For once their food would hit the bands, it rocketed back out.

The only cure was eating fifteen jars of Vasoline,

Which made you gain five or six pounds, and made your face turn green.

 

And now, you ask, “The diet doctor? Did he get in trouble?

“Did he have to run away? Or pay the folks back double?”

Nope. It seems that things for him did not turn out so bad.

In fact, he sold a new book called, “Avoiding Diet Fads.”